book jean

My Valley of Wind

....whispers from my heart

(no subject)
black MM
ladynausicaa
OMG, I can't believe myself. I'm in a self-pitying mood. Now I'm gonna have to go to the 'Boro tomorrow and just pamper myself. I'm thinking a new book, pjs, something from bath and body works, and a bottle of wine. I feel so useless. Life is just not fair. They say life is what you make of it...I guess that means I have to try harder. I'm just run down. I don't feel like trying anymore. I'm just gonna have to start tech. school or something...just to get a better job...ie...one that has insurance and a higher paycheck. I just need to move on with my life and I just can't cut it at GSU. I'm thinking Health Information Technology at OTC. It would only be for a year...and I CAN do that, plus I think it would be to where I could do online classes. That would be a dream come true. I'll have to pray about it.

I have to work tonight but then, I'll be off for 3 days. Theresa tried to play me last night. I ignored her and Mary went in there the next time she called. I'm so sick of the place....oh, but when I go to the 'Boro tomorrow, I do need to get me some new scrubs. My old unis are about falling apart. My fave shirt has a hole in it and I hardly have any comfy pants to wear. I hope they have some halfway decent ones at walmart, because there's really nowhere else to get any unless I go to the Big City (S).

Gonna go lay back down...flip channels, not sure if I'll be able to sleep anymore...but I might try. I could read though. My back hurts.
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(no subject)
black MM
ladynausicaa
I had to pick a presentation date. It's March 8th. I'm already nervous, but I'm just gonna have to suck it up and DO it. I can. I know I can. God help me!

I'm off tonight. It's 24 and House night, yay! R wants me to come visit on Saturday...not sure I can. It might be the only time I'll get to see him though, before Valentine's Day...so, maybe I will. I have to work Sunday though. Yuck. Work on Superbowl Sunday...I want to watch the whole game! I hope the Saints get their asses handed to them on a silver platter. GO COLTS!! GO PEYTON!!!

Janet, trip, etc...
black MM
ladynausicaa
I found out on thursday that Janet passed away. It blew me away and made me so sad. I didn't cry at work, but I felt like it. God, it happened so fast. I just hope she is at peace now. I did know her kids in a "this small town" sort of way and I know she had a young grandchild, Ariel. I feel so sad for them as well. I can't imagine losing my mom at any time, but much less at this point in my life. I hope the Lord will provide comfort and support for them all in this time of sadness.

I started back to school last week. It's going well so far, but then, it's only been 1 week. I'm honestly going to give it all I have this semester, I promise. I've got to move on with my life...I've got to. I'm so tired of standing still and doing nothing...and I'm sick to death of that nursing home...plus, it seems to be killing people off at an alarming rate. Maybe I should be worried.

At work, I finally met Dannie and got to work with her for a few nights. She was really nice and we seemed to hit it off. I've been having to see Sarah D at work too and I'd just rather not. She's still the same old "skippering" Sarah that she's always been. I don't have to go back until Wednesday though, so still 2 more good days off (I hope)...although class tomorrow.

I just got back yesterday from visiting R in ST. Simons. It was ok. We went out to eat. I have some alarming feelings surfacing, but I'm not going to share them here...seeing as how I haven't even sorted through them myself. *Sigh*...such is the life in the dark...

(no subject)
book jean
ladynausicaa
She is so rude on the phone. she needs better manners. she said she didn't know what "they would do" because I didn't call in before 10...I should've said..."give me a break, Kim...it's glenvue, they aren't gonna do anything!!" fucking idiots. god, i will be so glad when i'm done with that place.

i had a nice "christmas" celebration tonight with rick, carolyn, ryan, brett, ronnie and jake...plus the animals.

My Janet
marilyn on stairs
ladynausicaa
I found out at work from Joni that Janet has lung cancer. She said it was stage 4, but I've heard conflicting reports on that. I hate that and just can't believe it. There must be something about that place out there; it makes you die before your time. She's taking radiation treatment (I heard Trina saying that) and I hope she'll be ok. I'll be praying for her.

I was talking with Erica this morning before we left work and she says she is thinking about leaving around February. I'll be sad to see her go, I was just getting used to her really. I guess maybe Dannie would take her place. I don't know about her one way or the other.

Opa just had cataract surgery. He called tonight and Daddy said he seemed to be OK. He and J are supposed to come down sometime before Christmas, I think. That'll be nice. I have to work Christmas Eve and Day and New Year's Eve and Day. Sucks.

R finally went back to St. Simon's yesterday. Seeing him was nice, but we never get to spend enough alone time. I didn't have fun at Brett's. It was just hanging around with a bunch of people I didn't know...and with R cooking, it made me feel awkward.

Thanksgiving prep
book jean
ladynausicaa
Well, mom, sis and I made the pies yesterday; they're yummy! Today, we're doing some dressing and a turkey to have here for us before we go to Shelly's tomorrow. I'm trying to be ok with going away from home on Thanksgiving, but I think it'll be fine. Only Bucky will be here by himself and I HATE that! :(

Mom and sis had a blowup just now, so it's sort of put a damper on the happy vibe that I was trying to keep today. I've been feeling so down lately and today was a little better, but ...not so much now. The only way I can describe how I've been feeling lately is that I don't feel comfortable inside myself. I know I need to lose weight and also, I'm in some pain...so, I don't know...it's just hard to keep positive.

I had thought all day that we would do the Christmas tree today too, but I'm not sure that's gonna happen now. I'm just gonna try to enjoy today, tonight and tomorrow because I have to go back to work friday, saturday and sunday...then after 2 days off (free), R will be coming home and I'll have to be hanging with them I suppose. Lynda's surprise bday party is on the 5th. Trying not to think about that today...I'll think about that on the 4th. Ha. TTFN.

Feeling my day of no sleep
book jean
ladynausicaa
I came home from work this morning and i haven't slept well at all. i know tonight is going to be hard, i hope the tiredness wont hit me too hard. i want to just go back to bed right now and sleep until in the morning , but i cant. im off tomorrow night though, so i can relax. last night, after the new woman, Dannie, passing me in the halls all night she says something really weird when we were all getting ready to leave this morning....

"are you getting off or coming on?" i didnt know if id heard her correctly. i said excuse me? and yeah, she repeated it and i had heard correctly. it startled me. i guess i'm just that damned forgettable? wow. big eye-opener. my janet will be there tonight, so i hope she's gonna be G-hall nurse. i love janet. yeah.... *weirdness*

Falcons lost yesterday. I hate the Panthers.

a day in between.
adam face
ladynausicaa
i'm a day in between working and working again.  i was off sunday, but i signed up to come in for mary if she's still out. she went to st. louis for her niece's funeral.  i really didn't want to go in, but i need the cash.  i'm already worried about christmas, but...sigh.  mom has on the view, but i hate the view, so i came to the computer for a while.  i'm gulping wine, my back hurts so much right now.  janet made up a rotation list for cleaning the wheelchairs.  i did 3 of mine last night so now, i have 3 left (i think).  no one cleaned any of theirs last night besides me and betty.  we like to get things done!

the phillies won game 1 of the world series last night against the yankees.  as much as i hate the phillies, i guess i had rather a national league team win...whatever.  the thrashers play again tonight.  i haven't looked to see if they're on TV or not.  i hope so, the last game they were only on a radio station that i don't get. 

i got me new socks and 3 new candles tuesday and also, some body wash and lotion form bath & body works (sea island cotton).  it smells really nice.  i'd had some before but ran out of it.  i showered with it when i got home this morning and i keep smelling myself..thinking, damn if i don't smell GOOD!  i got sis some of her warm vanilla sugar too.  she was completely out and i wanted her to have something to make her smile.  i also picked her up and cute little green nutcracker to add to her collection of them.  i found him really cheap at hobby lobby.

later today, after the soaps...2 scary movies come on AMC that i want to watch...the house on haunted hill ones.  i saw the ads for them when i was watching halloween and they look freakin' scary.  just what i need.

R got on my nerves last night when he called me.  i didn't even feel like answering the phone.  i'm glad that he's so busy lately...i'm glad.  no more worrying about having to go there on my days off, although i might try sometime next week, if at all possible.  it's good to get away for a day or two sometimes, because i start to feel really depressed.  i know something is wrong with me.

Shelly called last night and said we could think about going over to her house for thanksgiving.  i got my work schedule last night so now i know i wont be working that day.  i really don't mind going over there....we would get to see sheridan, and it would kind of be like the old days where we were all together.  mom said that if we did go, we'd still make us a dinner to eat here later....and that's good because i'm in a cooking/baking pies mood!

mom went out to papa's the other day and he basically told her to get out.  sandy eggs him on and i just wish she would die.  i really do.  she is the devil...a demon, at least.  she's horrid.  i hate her as much as i've ever ever ever hated anyone in my whole entire life.  they're mad over the deed to the land, but...whatever.  sandy can't go and change it and neither can papa, so....it's all going to work out.  my mom has not been this good and kind to have things fall apart on her at the end.  i just don't believe God would do that to her.  she doesn't deserve it.  she withstands so much from them and is in tears over the whole thing....i just pray...pray that something will make it better.

adam lambert is going to be on Oprah this afternoon.  i can't wait.  he's so damn hot.

It's Sunday...
book jean
ladynausicaa
It seems I always am posting here on a Sunday.  I've worked 2 nights and I have 1 more to go.  I've really been thinking of calling in tonight, but I feel bad..like I need to be there.  Both nights I've had to work G hall by myself.  I was gonna have Sarah last night but she had to go to A & B.  Tonight,  Sarah Daymude's name is on the schedule.  OH GOD!!!  NO!!!!  I don't know if I can take that.  Irene and Andrea are gonna be the nurses.  Oh well, guess I'll just get some sleep (hopefully) and see how it goes.

I couldn't sleep earlier, so I got up.  I've taken 1 zanaflex and have 2 more....

I'm gonna tell R that I have to work Thursday.  If he wants me to come Tuesday, fine.  If not, I'll be happy to wait until the next week.  I don't feel like driving there anyway.

The Falcons don't play until tonight against the Bears.  I'm waiting.

My mood is RAIN
marilyn on stairs
ladynausicaa
That's a good way to describe how I feel. I'm just really depressed.  It hasn't stopped raining for 3 days.  That's ok though, it fits what I'm feeling.  I've been off for a while, but I go back to work tonight and I'm not off again for 3 days (until monday).  I told R that I would go see him next week.  I really don't want to but I guess I'll have to.  I always feel better once I get there.

I think mom may go to get groceries today, we have no food in the house.  I'd kill for a soda right now.  A cold one, lots of fizz!  Maybe soon, I can get some sleep....

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